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Noah’s current brown suede loafers were worn out and getting smaller by the week and he wanted the very same ones, literally, except one size bigger of course.He’d be turning five this month, and it was time to upsize for sure.

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Fraternal Twin Ike joined in on the Happy Meal fun for a few seconds before announcing, too, that his papa was dead. And I noticed that Noah was chomping away at his nuggets and fries, wholly unaware, or perhaps purposely ignoring this whole thread of conversation surrounding death. Charging and discharging ships means serious cargo. But there are so many dockworkers who work more than they sleep and save their money and buy a big fancy car. Lots of dockworkers also discover their wives have been cheating on them, and that just sucks. For if I had to name the two biggest influences in my life? So I handed Noah the dandelion as we crouched in front of my father’s grave. And he will always know that you are the one who has sent him the beautiful dandelion seeds, I’d said to Noah. And maybe one day I’ll tell him about all that’s heavenly, and not. My faith has not been the same since I lost my dad. ~ As I finish this blog, I’ve received news that my brother is in the hospital and very sick. My brother has been released in stable health and has returned home to rejoin his new bride.

I didn’t know if I should believe what I was hearing, or if I should comfort the boys in some way. I tried my best to convey what I could to that mom, my own way. I started out on the docks using my muscles a lot, but eventually went for training and licensing to operate heavy machinery. But it’s good money and this is one of the things working on the docs is known for. If you blow on this dandelion the seeds will fly away and some will reach haraboji way up in the sky. It was never as strong as I pretended it was anyway. It is why I choose not to raise Noah in the Christian faith though that’s how I was raised. He blew that dandelion so hard that the seeds starting swirling around his face, tickling him. The doctors can’t pin-point the cause of his blood infection, but as of this morning he is out of the ICU and stable. I do not have all the answers, and maybe I never will, but all I need to know is that my brother is home again, even cracking jokes.

The mom apologized, but confirmed that indeed the boys’ father, her ex, had died last Friday, in a fatal motorcycle accident just nearby. I’m happy that Jun never lost herself and she can find her way, with or without me around. It was a beautiful day, that day in April, visiting my dad. In Belgium, Father’s Day falls on the 12th of June this year, this Sunday, one Sunday before it does in the States. I don’t know why exactly I never wrote about 9/11, when I write about just about everything else under the sun.

And that she was trying to find some sort of normalcy in life by bringing her children – two boys and one girl – to Mc Donald’s, like any other day. Maybe because my life was spared on that September 11th in 2001.

There was one other family in the Play Place dining area, a mom and her kids. This particular Mc Donald’s always seemed to have some story in store for us, never a dull day… My mother is the one who carried me in her belly and pushed me out into this world, but it is my father who shaped me most. The way you love free-falling into your own bed after some time away, because there’s just no place like home. It was just about the most perfect day that 17th of April… I cried, so very much, as I prepared to walk once again upon the grounds where my father lay for the last 12 years. This is where we come to remember my papa, your haraboji, because he’s not here with us anymore.

One of those kids, a boy just a little older than Noah, came over to our table almost immediately, wanting to compare Happy Meal Lego Batman toys and chat with Noah. I prepped Noah’s food for consumption, peeling open the usual condiments and unwrapping predictable bites of warm processed comfort food. I wanted to hug the child, but I didn’t think I should touch him, so I told him I was very sorry to hear this news. I did not choose my father and I did not choose my son. There were, however, countless loved ones in attendance who wished my father could be there, of course and especially my mother. He’s so very far away that we cannot see him or touch him, I’d said to Noah.

It was clear he wanted the brown ones again, but really, he wanted Mc Donald’s for dinner more.

So we walked up to the counter to pay, thinking the loafers were €50, only to discover that they were actually €80. She said this out loud in Korean to nobody in particular, as we left the wedding hall, but I heard her and I know in my heart she was talking to my dad who was listening from above.

That’s the thing about Mc Donald’s…you know exactly what you’re gonna get and that’s why you go back. I looked up at Davy to see if he’d heard the same thing. Jamie had repeated himself, with no emotions attached, making it very clear that this was real. My cynicism took over then, and I questioned the boy’s authenticity. Davy: She leaves used paper towels all over the kitchen because she says she “only used them once to dry her hands after washing them at the sink.” She says they can be reused. The fact that my son Noah will never get to meet my dad is one of the saddest realities I live with, in my weakest moments. I’d then picked up a dandelion from the plush lawn by my father’s tombstone.

The only surprises come along with the people around you at any given time. This little boy Jamie, playing with Noah right next to me, had just announced clear as day that his dad was dead. I honestly wasn’t even sure if it was the truth or some role playing with the Lego Batman stuff. And then his twin brother, Ike, popped up at my side. Don’t let just having fun be the only thing that matters. Don’t wait for that subsidized housing stuff to become available. Buy Apple stock, save more money and use your money more wisely. Because working at in Ghent still means you have to have brute strength and endurance. But it’s terrible some of these guys can’t really enjoy these things because it seems like they’re working nonstop. The fact that my father never even had the chance to meet my little Noah is gut-wrenching to me, in my lowest of lows. Because one of Noah’s favorite things to do is blow on them and watch the seeds fly away. I’m reminded always now, by dandelion seeds in the air…

In December, former "Love & Hip Hop Hollywood" star Masika Kalysha revealed she was pregnant and that the baby daddy was the "Trap Queen" rapper himself, with whom she had collaborated on her September single "Andale." Well, in a new interview with The Shade Room, Fetty has finally given a detailed account of his side of the story.

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