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Or, like a lot of people with unique and/or challenging fetishes, you may wind up in a long-term relationship with a loving partner with whom you enjoy vanilla sex while indulging your fetish via online porn, chats, webcam sessions, and, yes, the odd session with an understanding sex worker whom you treat with respect and overtip.

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My husband and I have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy when we're apart.

A few months ago, I hooked up with a guy on a business trip who said he and his wife have the same arrangement. His wife found out and started harassing me on Facebook. How can I know if someone is really in an open relationship when they say they are? Fucking Asshole Idiot Losers The only way to verify that someone is in an open relationship is to speak to that person's partner—and as that would constitute "telling," FAIL, it would be a violation of a "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

Do I now have to accept that I will never be able to go through the cycle of human sexual bonding in a normal way, since you suggest that fetishists like me should stick to sex workers and online hookups with fellow fetishists? I'm just wondering what lies in store for me and whether there's any hope.

I'm not a sick bastard in any way but this, and it would be devastating for me to hear that I should skip dating altogether and head to the chat rooms.

(3) Am I being a selfish prude by caring about either her aggressive flirting or this kiss? The aggressive flirting could be a problem—if your wife is flirting at all aggressively.

She is very contrite and swears she will calm down the flirtation. Or should I run the hell away before it's too late? I'm wary of accepting your characterization of her behavior at face value, STH, as your overreaction to the kiss leads me to believe that you might not be rational about your wife's behavior generally.Although we've never talked about the rules concerning kissing gay friends, we both know she crossed a line (there was tongue).(2) How much did she betray me by not telling me until after we were married? Your wife's failure to disclose a single drugged-up, blissed-out, pre-exchange-of-vows kiss shared with a gay dude on a dance floor—even with tongue—does not constitute a "betrayal." It constitutes an forgive her.(Take all the usual precautions—get his real name and real phone number, have your first meeting in a public place, make sure someone knows where you're going, have someplace to stay, etc.) You'll also be able to meet guys the normal way, HOPE—in your classes, in bars, at parties, and via non-kink hookup websites popular with gay college boys.You may wind up partnered with a guy who finds you so attractive that he's willing to indulge you.Sure, I’ve let one slip in front of Stanley before.

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